1) You're a record promoter who recognizes me from my brief stint as the lead singer for Van Halen in 1984 , and you're finally going to offer me my rightful place in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.
2) Your name is Jeff or Rebecca and you're updating the blog because the Holy Ghost told you during General Conference that you're supposed to.
3) You want to look at pictures of our cute baby.
It will be decided that Pi is a rational number before a two year old gets his due in the music industry, and I only talk to myself in the bathroom - so, excluding the minute possibility of quantum tunneling, you are almost certainly here for the baby. Can't say I blame you.
Ah, and here she comes now - confident, alert, with a predatory air of barely restrained ferocity:
You will note the dimpled lower lip, the button nose, the slightly pointed chin and the ever-so-outwardly-turned ears. Yes, indeed she is a fine example of what we in the field call a 'decora puella,' or 'beautiful girl.'
As with most members of the Hominidae family, the young female exhibits remarkably acute motor skills, performing feats of muscle control scarce fathomed by less-dexterous species:
Uniquely, even among creatures as self-aware as these, the young child has displayed an superior capacity to manipulate the behavior of the adult members of her species. Consider the comments of a British Airlines Stewardess, who, upon having to endure 7 hours of contact with the quietly sleeping baby (interspersed with frequent and disarming smiles), declared, somewhat abashedly, "You're such a darling little angel! You're starting to make me broody!"
Even more incredibly, the child has recently engaged in behavior which has previously only been documented among French specimens of Rattus rattus, wherein she positions herself near the cranium of an adult male and actually controls the motions of the man's body by manipulating the hairs on his head!
Perhaps most astoundingly, the girls possesses a skill which defies the imagination...namely, the ability to reverse the polarity of gravity. Rather that being attracted to more massive bodies Paige appears to be able to attract large bodies to her. Thus, the child is often seen in the company of the grandest members of her family.
The precise mechanism of this phenomenon has escaped even the most capable minds, but physicists speculate that is has something with that elusive quantum property known as 'charm.'
Unfortunately, her patience has its limits, and Paige often rebuffs repeated attempts to document her behavior.
I suppose even celebrities are entitled to their privacy.
A. Thank you... however, I was really wanting to read something about Van Halen... :)
ReplyDeleteB. You have the MOST BEAUTIFUL baby I've ever seen.
C. I may be a little partial.
D. Don't be surprised if you check your stats and I'm you're most frequent visitor because the cuteness is simply out of control.
E. I miss you guys!
talk to yourself in the bathroom? Like, on neutral ground?
ReplyDeleteHey she's already got the "Happy Baby" yoga move mastered as well as a tai chi hand posture. She probably has enlightenment down but will never tell. That would explain the ability to reverse the polarity of gravity. Yes, a very talented and wonderful addition to the family.
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